Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it’s one of two things, either a new girl, or a new car!
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
War doesn’t determine who’s right, it determines who’s left.
Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
I wouldn’t say you’re stupid. You are, but I wouldn’t say it.
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
You`ve got two choices; you can either sit and cry, or spread your wings and fly.
Smiling does make it a little bit better.
everyone calls you by your name, but only one person can make it sound special.
When they ask me what I liked best, I`ll tell them it was you.
The best thing about being me, I’m a limited edition…there are no other copies!
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
In 2013 I’m going to sit back, watch the movie 2012 and laugh..
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.