If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I’d go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
Please tell your pants it’s rude to point.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
I won’t take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet…you have time to move.
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How’d that work out for him?
Crayola just added a new color to there crayon box its called jersey shore orange.
Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is… your list with names of naughty girls.
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.