Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. Sincerely, Me
The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It’s really that simple.
Don’t feel depressed if you’re alone this one day. Feel depressed that you’re alone the other 364 days of the year.
I was gonna clean my room, until I got high. I was gonna get up and find the broom, but then I got high. My room is still messed up… and I know why.
I didn’t fall, I attacked the floor.
My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible…
That urge you get to write “no one gives a shit” on someone’s status.
There’s always that one person who takes a few minutes to get the joke.
If you insist on telling me about your plans for the weekend, I suggest you do it in the bathroom, as it’s the only place I’ll give a shit.